Dear Agony Aunt,
I have a desperate issue: my love-sick ex-girlfriend follows me around like a little dog or like the stars do the moon. The minute I’m walking alone then, in the blink of an eye, she appears telling me pathetically that, “the wildest hath not such a heart as me.” It is flattering yet I’m sure I will lash out at her soon.
Moreover, I have fallen in love with Helena’s best friend, Hermia, yet she does not fall for me. Instead, she sashays around with a hopeless romantic, Lysander. Unfortunately, now he has revealed my past affairs to the father of my fiancé and to the king, Theseus. I am now anxious about whether Egeus, Hermia’s father, thinks me trustworthy to take his daughter’s hand in marriage.
I urgently need advice to be rid of my ex-girlfriend so that I can focus on stealing the heart of Hermia and also redeem myself with Egeus.
Yours
Demetrius.